Slow
by ErynH222
Summary: [Slow wasn't a word that Olivia usually used to describe the encounters between Amanda and herself. Hard, fast and plain rough at times were all accurate. Slow had never come into play] ROLIVIA {Please review :D}


_Please review! I love this pairing, though I don't think it;s that popular :(_

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Slow wasn't a word that Olivia usually used to describe the encounters between Amanda and herself. Hard, fast and plain rough at times were all accurate. Slow had never come into play. She remembered the first time, when she'd coaxed a half drunk Amanda away from the bar. Olivia's place had been closer, and she'd offered the blonde her couch for the night. The first clumsy kiss Amanda had placed on Olivia's lips as they crossed the threshold into the older woman's apartment hadn't been entirely unexpected.

The physical attraction had been simmering between them for weeks, though neither woman had wanted to admit it. What had been unexpected was Amanda's complete dominance in the encounter, her skilful fingers and relentless tongue completely undoing Olivia piece by piece. The brunette came so hard and so fast and she didn't even have a chance to feel self-conscious when she finally realised that Amanda was still fully clothed because the younger woman left the apartment without a word, leaving Olivia to wonder what exactly had just happened.

By some sort of miracle, both Amanda and Olivia turned up at work the next day and it wasn't awkward, but it wasn't mentioned. Lamentingly, Olivia had put it down as a one off until the next time a case hit Amanda particularly hard. This time the blonde had come knocking at her apartment, her intentions clear from the look in her eyes. Olivia had once again fallen under the spell of the blue eyed detective and let take complete control but just like the first time, Amanda had left before Olivia even had a chance to try to reciprocate.

It had continued like this for several weeks, before Olivia finally managed to get one over on Amanda. Taking the blonde by surprise and flipping her over, Olivia had pinned her to the bed, intent on finally paying Amanda back for the delicious ministrations she had imparted on her. It was then that Olivia had seen it. A brief flash of panic in Amanda's eyes, followed by the younger woman switching their positions back so she was on top. Amanda had muffled Olivia's questions with heated kisses and the one time Olivia had tried to bring it up the blonde had shut her down completely.

Recalling a moment that had happened not long after Amanda had been transferred, in which she'd revealed that something had happened to her in Atlanta, Olivia put two and two together and realised then that whatever they had going on, this thing they were doing, it wasn't just about Amanda being dominant and taking out her frustrations. Olivia realised that this was something that ran way deeper, that Amanda didn't want to talk about, and that she just needed to do. So Olivia didn't ask questions, and she didn't argue when Amanda left her bed. It, whatever _it _was just continued, a strange little ritual that neither woman spoke about but that they'd both grown to know when to expect.

The past couple of days had been particularly rough on the entire team. First they'd lost a big case which they'd been building for months. Everyone had taken it badly but Olivia had noticed the toll it had taken on Amanda. Then today Amanda and Fin had been taken by surprise when they'd gone to pick up a suspect in a child pornography ring. He'd knocked Fin unconscious and beaten Amanda then held her own gun to her head, intending to use her as a human shield. Despite the SWAT team and hostage negotiators getting involved, the perp had sealed his own fate by forgetting to take Fin's gun when he'd knocked him out. Fin had woken up long enough to take him out. Of course, with Fin rushed to the hospital, Amanda had borne the brunt of the IAB investigations and when Olivia watched the blonde ignore everyone as she was finally able to leave the precinct she had looked about ready to snap.

So it hadn't been a surprise when Amanda had come knocking on her door later on that night. Olivia had deliberately held off from contacting Amanda, she'd made it clear that she didn't want to speak to anyone, and Olivia knew better than to push. Olivia expected it all, the forceful knock, the urgency with which Amanda had kissed her, the slight tang of whiskey on the blonde's tongue but what Olivia hadn't expected was the emptiness in Amanda's eyes. Usually they were full of anger, frustration or lust, but never emptiness.

Olivia was pretty sure that Amanda had tried to claw back some form of feeling or emotion tonight. She was exhausted, spent from the younger woman's actions, and she'd have bruises and scratches to show for it in the morning. Olivia didn't care about those superficial marks though, she was just deeply worried about the woman who was now sat at the edge of her bed, face turned away from her. It was unusual that she'd stayed this long and Olivia couldn't help wondering if this was Amanda's way of trying to reach out. Olivia sat up, clutching the sheet around her against the cool breeze from the window and looked at Amanda for a moment. She was sat slumped over, a shadow of her usual self and Olivia knew she had to do something.

"Amanda," Olivia said softly, gingerly testing the waters of communication.

"I don't wanna talk about it," Amanda snapped, not bothering to turn around.

Squinting in the dim light, Olivia could see the newly formed bruises on Amanda's arms, tiny dark purple marks grouped in fours and the occasional scratch mark. There was another, larger bruise blossoming over Amanda's left eye and cheek. Olivia let her hand rest carefully on Amanda's shoulder, noting how she flinched slightly under her touch.

"Amanda," Olivia tried again, this time a little more forceful with her voice.

"I said, I don…" Amanda turned her head this time; saw the look on Olivia's face and how she was concentrating on the bruises on her arms. "I've had worse," Amanda said simply, hoping it would wipe some of the concern from Olivia's face.

Olivia let out a breath she hadn't realised she'd been holding as Amanda continued to speak, "He was a real piece of work though," Amanda's face screwed up as she remembered the day's events "If it hadn't been for Fin…" Amanda turned away again and didn't finish her sentence.

Despite worry building up in her again, Olivia knew better than to pry, she knew that hounding Amanda to try and get her to talk didn't work. She moved her hand from Amanda's shoulder to her hand and clasped it gently. Olivia took a deep breath before she started to speak.

"Stay tonight," Olivia offered, and despite the rejection she knew was coming, the brunette had in the moment already decided she would try to get Amanda to stay regardless of her answer. Amanda shook her head, and stood up slowly, stretching out her stiff muscles, seemingly paying for her earlier exertions.

Olivia gave a gentle but firm tug on Amanda's hand and the small action knocked her off balance, forcing the younger woman to sit back on the bed. Shifting herself so that she was now opposite the younger woman, Olivia reached to push back the curtain of hair that had fallen to hide Amanda's face. She could see the bruise up close now and Olivia brushed her thumb feather light over the offending mark, wishing she could make it go away. Tentatively, Olivia pressed a soft kiss to Amanda's forehead and she could feel the other woman trembling. This was so much different, softer. A kind of closeness that Olivia hadn't yet had the pleasure of feeling with Amanda.

"Let me help you," Olivia whispered, pulling back and staring into Amanda's worryingly empty eyes. Amanda dropped her head and mumbled something that Olivia couldn't quite make out. Olivia's pause must have let Amanda know she hadn't heard her because she repeated herself, a little louder this time.

"I'm afraid."

The absolute vulnerability in Amanda's voice made Olivia's eyes prickle with tears. She reached down, and found Amanda's hand, grasping on to it to give the younger woman some form of reassurance that it was okay. This was the most Amanda had ever opened up to Olivia and the brunette knew she had to play it carefully. She was being let behind into Amanda Rollins' perfectly crafted walls.

"Why are you afraid?" Olivia asked softly, though with a sinking feeling she already knew why Amanda was afraid. She'd been there herself; it wasn't an easy place to be.

"I, um, I haven't," Amanda whispered, averting her eyes from Olivia's gaze, "Not since… and I don't, I don't know," the blonde was uttering stunted sentences, not quite able to explain herself but Olivia squeezed her hand, hoping that she was getting across to the blonde that she understood what she was saying.

"You're safe with me," Olivia whispered, picking up Amanda's hand and pressing a soft kiss to her palm, "you don't have to be afraid Amanda, because I _know_," she said, "Let me do this for you."

Olivia waited, still clasping Amanda's hand in her own and she searched the younger woman's face for any signs of hesitation. Amanda pressed her palm forward, resting her hand gently on Olivia's chest, directly above her heart and she moved forward and rested her head on Olivia's shoulder. Amanda was still trembling, but it was much less pronounced and Olivia felt a shiver go down her spine when she heard Amanda whisper one word softly in her ear.

"Slow," Amanda repeated, "Please."

Heeding Amanda's request, Olivia leant forward and kissed her jaw softly before tentatively moving to place a soft kiss on the younger woman's lips. It was gentle, and timid, but even so, Olivia pulled back and looked deep into Amanda's eyes, making sure it was what she really wanted. Amanda gave the tiniest of nods and Olivia leant forward again to capture Amanda's lips in another kiss. Olivia ran her hands softly up and down Amanda's arms and she felt the smaller woman relax under her touch.

Letting her hands settle on Amanda's hips she waited for a moment before she slid her fingers under the thin material of her t-shirt. When she was not met with any hesitation Olivia grew bolder, letting her hands wander up the smooth skin of Amanda's back, but keeping her touch light. She moved her attention to the hollow behind Amanda's ear and Olivia paused for a moment as Amanda let out a small gasps as she explored the soft skin there. The way Amanda leaned into Olivia let the brunette know that the sensation was a welcome one, and she continued her exploration of Amanda's neck.

Olivia had not been afforded such access to Amanda's body before tonight and she fought with herself to steady her own arousal as she reminded herself that this was for Amanda, not for her. Slowly but surely, Olivia had pushed up Amanda's t shirt to reveal a simple white cotton bra. Amanda took a breath and then lifted her hands above her head, silently giving Olivia permission to remove the garment. Once the t shirt had been discarded on the floor Olivia turned her attention back to Amanda's neck and mouth, giving the blonde a chance to adjust to the loss of her shirt.

Olivia moved her hand slowly down, just barely grazing Amanda's nipple through the thin cotton. Amanda moaned, arching into the touch and for a moment she seemed surprised by her own reaction. Olivia gave her a moment and Amanda smiled at her and nodded, before she reached behind and unclasped her bra.

As soon as the bra fell and joined the t shirt on the floor, Amanda pressed herself up against Olivia, as if suddenly shy about her current state of undress. Olivia just let her stay there for as long as she needed, pressing kisses to Amanda's shoulder and stroking her back to calm her. When Amanda finally pulled back, her perfect breasts were revealed in their glory to Olivia, rosy nipples standing to attention in the cool air. Amanda looked shyly up at Olivia, who bent down and gently took one nipple into her mouth. Amanda moaned as Olivia ever so gently sucked the small bud, swiping her tongue across the sensitive tip.

Olivia felt soft fingers tickle up her back and she stopped her ministrations for a moment to gently clasp Amanda's hands and hold them in her own.

"It's okay Amanda, this is for you," Olivia said softly, kissing each of Amanda's hands in turn. She shifted on the bed, and, mindful of what had happened before, made sure to lie on her side. Amanda followed, her head sinking into the soft pillow as they now lay facing each other. Olivia continued her soft and slow movements, making her way up and down Amanda's body, kissing and caressing every bruise and scratch and scar, new or old, that she came across.

Every now and then Olivia would come across a particularly sensitive spot and would be rewarded with a gasp or a sharp breath from Amanda. No longer fearing that Amanda's gasps were of hesitation; Olivia was enjoying this, putting to memory the spot on Amanda's hip and the side of her ribcage that made her shudder with pleasure. Finally, Olivia brought her lips to Amanda's breasts again, this time a little bolder, kissing and nipping and suckling and repeating what the blonde liked most.

"Liv," Amanda breathed out, arching her back as Olivia tentatively pressed her thigh between Amanda's legs. Olivia loved the way her nickname sounded as it rolled off Amanda's tongue. And she loved the way Amanda pressed down on to her thigh just slightly and how she gasped softly at the contact. The heat she could feel radiating from Amanda's core let Olivia know she was physically ready, but Olivia slowed the pace right down, and waited for Amanda to make the next move.

Olivia stroked Amanda's arm softly and kissed her on the tip of her nose. There seemed to be some doubt playing across Amanda's slightly flushed face and Olivia wasn't about to let Amanda do something she didn't want to do.

"'Manda we can stop, that's alright," Olivia said soothingly, never stopping her reassuring stroking of Amanda's arm.

"No I want to," Amanda said quickly, and Olivia found herself smiling at how pronounced her accent was, "I just need a minute."

"Just relax," Olivia said softly, "there's no rush."

Finally, Amanda reached for Olivia's hand and slipped her fingers just under the waistband of her sweat pants. Olivia let her hand rest there for a while, her fingers barely skimming over the soft skin of Amanda's hip. When the brunette glanced up, asking silently for permission she saw no more doubt on Amanda's face. Olivia slipped the sweatpants and Amanda's underwear off in one go and she took in the sight of Amanda as she sat up on her knees. Amanda truly was a stunningly beautiful woman and Olivia didn't hesitate to voice her opinion out loud. Olivia saw a light blush creep over the uninjured side of Amanda's face and her heart swelled as the younger woman closed her eyes shyly at the compliment.

Gently Olivia pulled Amanda up to straddle her lap, watching her face carefully to make sure she was comfortable. Olivia had a burning desire to be close to Amanda, to hold her and let her know she was safe and she knew instinctively that Amanda would not be comfortable on her back. Her vulnerability exposed, Amanda had trusted Olivia with everything, and the brunette wanted to show Amanda that that was the right decision.

Amanda leant her head down and kissed Olivia, pulling the brunette out of her thoughts and back to the present and this kiss was different, more passionate than any Amanda had instigated before. Olivia brought one arm around to settle in the small of Amanda's back, pulling her closer and caressing the silky skin there and when they finally broke the kiss, both panting for air, Olivia was relieved to see something other than emptiness in Amanda's eyes. Lust, pure lust and need had clouded over in her beautiful blue eyes and Olivia knew what she needed.

Olivia felt Amanda's breath hitch as she let her free hand trail down the curve of Amanda's breast, down her stomach, stopping just before she reached the apex of her thighs. Amanda sighed into Olivia's shoulder. Then she said three words that Olivia was sure were the sweetest she'd ever heard.

"I trust you."

Olivia let her hand drop, barely brushing her fingers across neat damp curls. Amanda's hips bucked at the slight contact and Olivia knew then she was ready. Slowly, Olivia slid a finger into the warm, slick heat. The motion drew a long moan from Amanda and Olivia stilled her hand.

"Please," Amanda whispered.

Withdrawing and then sliding her finger back in a slow rhythm elicited another moan from Amanda and she threw her head back in pleasure. Olivia was momentarily distracted by the exquisite line of Amanda's neck and leant to trail kisses down and across her collarbone before restarting the slow thrusting with her finger.

Amanda began to move her hips in time with Olivia's finger and they kissed again, this one no less passionate than the last. Amanda's head dropped to Olivia's shoulder as Olivia added another finger and increased the pace of her thrusts just a little. The unique scent of Amanda, mixed with the smell of her shampoo filled Olivia's nostrils and once again she found herself fighting her own arousal.

Amanda was mumbling incoherently into her shoulder and Olivia could feel the tension building up within her, she was so close, Olivia could tell and she pulled the trembling woman a little closer to her. Without breaking her steady pace Olivia pressed her thumb to Amanda's clit and the blonde arched her back in response, pushing her chest so close that Olivia swore she could feel Amanda's thumping heart as if it were her own.

"Oh God… Liv… I-I" Amanda stumbled over her words before dropping her head back onto Olivia's shoulder, sinking her teeth slightly into the skin.

"I know," Olivia crooned softly, altering the angle of her fingers just so, and Amanda shuddered and dug her nails into Olivia's back.

She wasn't sure, but Olivia sensed that Amanda was holding back, despite the tight coil of tension that she currently was. Amanda was shaking, her breath coming in short, ragged gasps. She was in desperate need of release but she just wasn't letting go.

Olivia peppered more kisses along Amanda's collarbone up her neck to her ear, "It's okay, I've got you," Olivia whispered softly, "let it go."

Amanda's nails dug further into Olivia's back as Olivia bent her fingers up and pressed down on Amanda's clit simultaneously. Her body went rigid, and Amanda came hard, a silent moan caught in her throat as she lost her breath. She shook with pleasure and release as the tension seeped out of her body as she came down from the high.

With the tension gone, there was nothing left to hold Amanda's exhausted body up and she fell against Olivia, still shaking slightly. Olivia noticed the very first teardrop hit the skin of her back and she tightened her hold on the younger woman as she began to speak.

"I though… Liv, the gun, i-it was pressed in my back… I couldn't, I," the words tumbled so quickly out of Amanda's mouth that Olivia strained to hear them, "I thought he was gonna…I was so frightened, it was like…" Amanda didn't finish her sentence now that the tears were coming hard and fast, but Olivia had a pretty good idea that the whole situation today had brought back some unwanted and unwelcome memories for Amanda.

Olivia's hand reached up to stroke Amanda's hair softly, "It's okay," she soothed, "It's okay."

"Liv, I-I," Amanda was trying to speak through her sobs but it only served to make breathing more of an effort.

"Sshh," Olivia whispered in an attempt to calm the sobbing woman, "You're safe, you're safe Amanda."

Olivia changed position, sitting so she could gently lift Amanda from her shoulder into her arms. Amanda's response to this was to push herself even closer to Olivia, crying harder than she was before. The sheer weight of the emotion that was rolling off Amanda, the fear and everything almost overwhelmed Olivia. She remembered what it was like to feel this broken but she kept her head. Olivia had known it would lead to a breakdown of some sort, but she'd really had no idea just how much Amanda was hurting. And she knew now that whatever had happened in Atlanta definitely wasn't resolved, at least not in Amanda's mind.

"Honey I'm not going anywhere, it's okay, it's okay."

Amanda turned slightly in Olivia's arms and tried to speak, but her words were still prohibited by her sobs. Olivia shook her head softly, "Don't try and speak now, we'll talk later, okay?" Olivia felt Amanda nod against her chest, more tears falling as she did so.

"Come on," Olivia said softly, pulling Amanda down gently to lay with her. She pulled the blankets up around them and put her arm around Amanda and pulled her close. The younger woman's shoulders still shook with sobs as Olivia stroked her hair, but they were far softer than before. It took 20 minutes to soothe Amanda to sleep, her body pressed tightly to Olivia's. When Amanda had drifted off Olivia found herself pondering the new development in their relationship.

What had happened tonight went beyond just mutual attraction. It went beyond just casual sex or whatever Olivia was kidding herself that it was before tonight. Amanda had never broken down like that in front of anyone and it brought tears to Olivia's eyes to think that the blonde had trusted _her._ And Olivia felt a stirring in her own chest as she realised just how much she cared for Amanda. She cared for her a whole lot. Olivia hoped beyond hope that Amanda would still be there in the morning and that they could talk, about yesterday and about Atlanta and whatever else was hurting the blonde detective because Olivia was sure she wouldn't be able to stand the thought of Amanda struggling with anything.

Olivia brushed damp hair back off Amanda's face and pressed a soft kiss to her forehead, "sleep well sweetheart," she whispered, as she settled down to sleep too.


End file.
